Mixed feelings

1942……. it was wartime, a frightening time!
I lived in Rio very near the fort in Copacabana, and I was four years old.
Wartime, a frightening time…what did it mean to a four-year-old girl? Very little indeed…

1942…..I was going to school for the first time. I was still the only child, and I felt very lonesome.
School time, an exciting time……it meant a lot to a four-year-old
girl!
My days were very pleasurable! My school was at a walking distance from my apartment….
___ Mom, I’m so happy! I want to make many friends. You gonna pick me up at
school? Can I have an ice-cream then?
___ Sure! You’re going to make lots of friends! I’ll pick you up, and you’ll have your
favorite ice-cream, right?

At school, I unveiled myself. At home, I was very withdrawn, but at school, I became increasingly outgoing. It was delightful, relaxing and safe the time I would spend there! However,…….it was wartime! And……at 10:00 o’clock pm, a soldier would play the cornet to announce the curfew.

It’s 10:00! That terrifying sound enters my ears. It’s threatening, and I don’t like it. There must be a reason…
I see my mom drawing the black curtains, and I’m scared. I don’t understand it. Why is that so? There must be a reason…
I touch my pillow, and it feels cold. I have no support, and I fear it.
My mouth is dry, and there’s a sour flavor in it. I need some water, but…how am I going to get it? How can I cross the living-room to the kitchen? I’m petrified!

A lot of words are puzzling me. I can’t get their real meaning. They sound very eerie to a four-year-old girl! War…invasion…Nazis…blackout…fifth column…and so on. I wish I could understand it all!
How mixed my feelings are! Feeling exhilarating during the day and terrorized at night!

These memories still play an important role in my life! And, today…….I was completely captured by them!

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Texto originalmente publicado na internet em 05.02.2009 em http://margaridasaovento.blog.terra.com.br/